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- Your ass is never a factor in a job interview.
- Your orgasms are real. Always.
- Your last name stays put.
- You never feel compelled to stop a friend from getting laid.
- Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.
- The garage is all yours.
- Wedding plans take care of themselves.
- Chocolate is just another snack.
- You can be president.
- You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
- Car mechanics tell you the truth.
- You don't give a rats ass if someone notices your new haircut.
- If you retain water, it's in a canteen.
- Porn movies are designed with you in mind.
- You can open all your own jars.
- You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just too icky.
- Same work...more pay.
- Wrinkles add character.
- Wedding Dress $5,000; Tux rental $100.
- People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
- New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
- One mood, ALL the damn time.
- Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
- A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
- You can leave the motel bed unmade.
- You can kill your own food.
- You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
- If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
- Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
- You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger seat.
- Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
- You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking: "He must be mad at me."
- You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.
- If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends.
- You're not expected to know the names of more than five colors.
- You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
- You almost never have strap problems in public.
- You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
- The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
- You don't have to shave below your neck.
- One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.
- You can do your nails with a pocketknife.
- You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
- Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives, December 24th, in 45 minutes.
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